Riya had a pattern. Every relationship started with excitement – those stolen glances, the late-night conversations, the thrill of imagining a future. But somehow, it always ended the same way. The men she chose, such as Aditya, her most recent heartbreak, always seemed distant. They were emotionally unavailable. It felt like there was a wall she could never quite climb.

Meanwhile, Rajiv had a different problem. He couldn’t commit. He had it all on paper – a great career, a charming smile, and enough charisma to never lack attention. But as soon as a relationship got serious, he’d pull back. “It’s just not the right time,” he’d tell his friends, but deep down, he wasn’t so sure.

Early Childhood Decides The Pattern

Riya and Rajiv’s stories might seem unrelated, but they’re not. They both carry invisible wounds from childhood, including old fears, unmet needs, and unresolved pain. These wounds have quietly shaped the way they approach love as adults.

Wishing Away The Past?

We don’t talk about this enough, do we? Especially in Indian families, where childhood wounds are swept under the rug. “Forget the past,” we’re told. “Move on. Everyone goes through tough times.”

But here’s the thing: the past doesn’t just disappear. It lingers, showing up in the way we react, the way we love, and the way we hurt. 

Our Past Shapes Our Present!

As children, the people around us shape our perception of the world. Our parents, teachers, and caregivers influence the way we see ourselves and everything around us. If you grew up feeling like you had to earn love through achievements, you might still strive to earn approval. You bend over backward to please others. If you were criticized or ignored, you feel like no matter what you do, you’re never enough.

Riya grew up in a family where emotions weren’t really “a thing.” Her parents loved her, but they didn’t know how to show it. Compliments were rare, hugs even rarer. Over time, she started to believe that love was something she had to chase.

On the other hand, Rajiv’s childhood was loud – lots of fights and tension. He learned early on that being close to someone could mean chaos. Now, as an adult, his instinct is to run every time someone gets too close.

The first step is to identify your patterns

Take a second to think about your own patterns.

• Do you find yourself constantly doubting if you’re lovable?
• Do you avoid confrontation because it feels scary?
• Do you attract people who can’t meet your needs, only to feel frustrated when they don’t?

These patterns didn’t come out of nowhere. They’re the echoes of a younger version of you. This part of you is still holding on to old fears and hurts. 

Embrace Your Inner Child

We call this your “inner child.”

It’s not some mystical concept; it’s simply the part of you that formed during childhood.

This part of you remembers what it felt like to be unseen, unheard, or unsafe. If you don’t address that pain, it sneaks into adulthood. It plays out in your relationships, your work, and even your self-worth.

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to stay stuck. You can heal.

Healing starts with paying attention!

Picture your inner child. Maybe they’re five years old, sitting in a corner, looking up at you with wide, hopeful eyes. What do they need? Do they need to hear that they’re loved? That – it’s okay to be sad or scared?

When life gets overwhelming – when you feel rejected, or clingy, or like running away – pause for a second. Ask yourself, Who’s really feeling this? Is it your adult self, or the child inside you, remembering something from long ago?

The Secret to Inner Healing

Let me tell you a secret: that part of you doesn’t want to sabotage your life. It wants to be seen. Heard. Loved.

So, start small.

• Take a deep breath when you notice yourself falling into an old pattern. Say to yourself, It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe now. These words can be incredibly soothing.
• Create space for joy. Your inner child doesn’t just carry pain – it also holds your playfulness, your curiosity, and your imagination. Dance to your favorite song, finger-paint like you’re in kindergarten or jump in a puddle just because you can.
• Rewrite the story. If you grew up believing that, you had to be perfect to be loved, challenge that belief. Remind yourself: I deserve love just because I exist.

Let the Magic Unfold

The thing about healing is: that it’s not a straight line.

Some days, you’ll feel like you’ve made progress. On other days, old wounds will creep back in. That’s okay. It’s not about getting it “right.” It’s about showing up – again and again – for the parts of yourself that need love the most.

And as you do this, something magical happens. Your relationships change.

Riya, for instance, started noticing when her old patterns showed up. Instead of chasing love, she began asking herself….What do I actually need? Over time, she attracted partners willing to meet her halfway – partners who didn’t need chasing.

Rajiv took a different approach. He started opening up, just a little at first, about his fears of intimacy. “It’s scary,” he admitted to his partner, “but I want to try.” Slowly, he realized that closeness didn’t have to feel suffocating. It could feel safe.

Be the person YOU are

Here’s what I want you to know: healing your inner child isn’t about blaming the past. It’s about taking back your power in the present.

So the next time you feel stuck in an old pattern, pause. Picture your inner child. Hold their hand. And say, I’m here now. You don’t have to do this alone. 

You’ve got this.

And remember – healing isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about coming home to the person you’ve always been.